Shifting Focus

by | Oct 19, 2020 | Stories From My Friends | 2 comments

For the last few years I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety. Two years ago, I moved up to Tampa for my dream job in ministry. Due to my actions, I was let go. I eventually found a new church and job and girlfriend and in my mind, thought everything was great. I wasn’t focusing on Jesus and my relationship with God and I stopped going to church, lost my job, and ended up using drugs. I was so low one night, I tried to end my life. The months after that night, I wrestled with my faith and started seeing a therapist. I was constantly thinking about my sins and how messed up I was and got to a point where I was just empty. I felt like a shell, so far from God. Then one day, driving out of no where I feel something tell me to look at the sky. And it was the most beautiful sunset. And it was this overwhelming feeling where what I was seeing was so amazing that I couldn’t focus on my sins anymore. And it was like getting hit with a truck that I realized: The more I focus on how messed up and sinful I am, all I’m doing is falling deeper in depression and helplessness. But when I focus on Jesus, how amazing, loving, and powerful He is, I realize He is big enough to cover my sins. And I was reminded of this and instantly that empty feeling and depression was gone. Regardless of beliefs or where whoever is reading this is at, Jesus died for you and is big enough to carry you out of this season.

Sign up to subscribe to Nicole’s blog, podcast, and prayer journal emails.



Recent Podcasts

Scar Stories: Kristen Howerton

I've been loving these interviews lately because we cover so many topics, I can't give you a main theme. I so enjoyed my conversation with Kristen - we talked about purity culture, parenting, race, adoption, marriage, divorce, LGBTQ community, and so much more! I...

Scar Stories: Justin Keller

I'm not really sure what to tell you this conversation was about because we talked about so much! I really enjoyed talking with Justin about divorce, being a single parent, faith, and running, just to name a few of the topics we covered! Make sure you follow him on...

Scar Stories: Jenna Dullilio (Addiction)

I met Jenna through a friend and gosh, I'm so glad I did! She shares her story of addiction recovery on her socials (@jennadillulio) and she was kind enough to join me on the podcast. We had quite a bit in common and I cannot wait for you to hear her honesty,...

Scar Stories: Emy Vasquez

I met Emy and his wife Emily a few years ago when I heard him share his story for the first time at a conference. I listened in tears. He talked about his trauma so vulnerably and hilariously (wild, right?)...I was blown away. This was a few months after losing my...

Recent Blog Posts

Running Scared

I've had a lot of conversations with people over the past couple of weeks who have been very confused by me and my message/platform. They believe that someone like me, in my position, with my background and upbringing, should be preaching a different message. Instead...

Reframing Your Past

I'll never forget one of my counselors explaining to me that we can stop developing emotionally at or around the point of our first major trauma. I was 25 at the time of the session, but I had a 14 year-old little girl huddled up inside my heart, hiding. You see, her...

Why I say F*&% and Other Swear Words

If you've followed me for any amount of time, it's no secret that I love to swear. The irony is that I grew up in a very legalistic, fundamental home, complete with "Swear-Free TV" (a box that would turn on closed captioning and use a replacement word for the curse...

Agree to Disagree

Guys, I am so tired of being angry. Frustrated. Wound up. On edge. Aren't you? I feel like we are in a time and space where we can't even have conversations anymore. We can't share differing opinions, ways of life, thoughts, decisions, etc. We can't sit and listen and...

Again…What now?

I've been getting a lot of desperate messages and texts over the past few days about how to process the re-emergence of the pandemic, the crisis overseas...it's just been too much for us. Most of us had experienced some form of trauma before 2020. However, we had the...

Share this page!